S1 E25: As The TL Scrolls

airdate: 28 September 2016

Genie recaps Black Twitter drama in an “As The Timeline Scrolls” soap opera spoof, talks DJ Envy’s support of “stop and frisk” policing, and shares a snippet of the new single from MeLa Machinko and Lee Treble called “Addy Life”. Buy the song on iTunes, or stream it on Apple Music.

Show Transcript

Happy hump day, Black Twitter!

We’re back together again and I love it.
Don’t you?

Now, today I’m going to tweet for people who made it through yesterday looking at their timeline like. . .

[peeking through fingers]

Y’all what was yesterday?
I mean, I know it was Tuesday, but really. . . what WAS yesterday?

All the things were happening.

Apple Music has Mary J Blige asking Hillary Clinton what’s in the new crispy chicken wrap.

[clip and crickets]

Quite a few people decided they wanted to argue about whether or not having a degree or having a passport are less of an achievement.

[puzzled look]

And, there was another episode of “As The Timeline Scrolls” that had my whole feed looking like it should be up for a daytime Emmy.

[dramatic music and faces in slow motion]

If you missed it, this latest episode of “As The Timeline Scrolls” stars @JamaicanHoney, @24_ski, and @iamfcknlexx, with a whole supporting cast.

Where to start? At the beginning.

Okay, so. . .

Iamfcknlexx was tweeting raunchy to someone and 24_ski retweeted to her, to then be shady, subtweet her and say, “the ugly ones always horny”.

So, lexx subtweeted back to say these men call her ugly on the TL but be in her DM’s.

Then, 24_ski confronted her subtweet.

Bad idea.

So, Lexx put him on blast by twitpic-ing the DM of ski asking Lexx to sit on his face.

And, that’s just where things get started.

AND THEN. . . JamaicanHoney saw the twitpic-ed DM and looked at the timestamp. Turns out 24_ski was supposedly with her, at the time he was asking Lexx to be used as a seat cushion.
And, she’s pregnant.

Now, we’re heating up.

Ski claims JamaicanHoney is tripping because she was never his girl.
He also claims she isn’t pregnant.

JamaicanHoney says she met his mom.
Ski says he has binders full of women have met his mom.

And, now we go nuclear.

24_ski claims JamaicanHoney got the herp.

Help!

JamaicanHoney claims she put her fingers where no hand has gone before.

Messy.

And, the moral of the story is. . . don’t call a woman ugly if you were just in her DM’s offering rides on your face.

I would tell you to go read the tweets on your own, but @24_ski deleted all the tweets.

[evil laughter]

Men are so messy.

24_ski wasn’t the only man to get into hot water on Twitter yesterday, either.

I told you a lot happened yesterday!

DJ Envy got dragged for saying that stop and frisk isn’t bad it was just implemented improperly.

Roll tape

[footage from The Breakfast Club]

“A lot of guns off the street”

Are you sure, Envy? Are you really?

First of all, none of what Charlemagne said means that guns were actually taken off the street. The Penal Law of New York has a long list of weapons that can result in you getting a “violent crime” charge. Incuding:

Firearm, electronic dart gun, electronic stun gun, gravity knife, switchblade knife, pilum ballistic knife, metal knuckle knife, cane sword, billy, blackjack, bludgeon, metal knuckles, chuka stick, sand bag, sandclub, wrist-brace type slingshot or slungshot, shirken or “Kung Fu star”, dagger, dangerous knife, dirk, razor, stiletto (stiletto?), imitation pistol, or any other dangerous or deadly instrument or weapon with intent to use the same unlawfully against another.

And, these objects were only taken from people who were convicted of a violent crime. Actually carrying those things, is not a violent crime, in and of themselves.

But, please, Envy. Tell us more about all these guns that were taken off the street.

Mind you, there are a plenty of guns on the street right now, that are supposed to be there.
Guess what? It’s legal to own a gun in NY state.
The process to get a license for one is really tedious, but totally doable if you have the time and money.

There’s pretty much nowhere in this country where you can’t own a gun, even with a ton of loopholes and obstacles.

Hello! This is America.

So, what it really sounds like is DJ Envy thinks it’s quite alright that our civil rights get trampled on, just to get “a lot of guns off the street”.

Never mind the fact that a ton of people had to get harassed for what might amount to ten rifles, one machete, and a credo knife.

This is the kind of logic that got us in trouble back in the 90’s the Crime Bill that the Clintons are in hot water for right now.

What’s worse is, we now have a bunch of data on what police tactics actually work, and NONE of it includes stop and frisk. But, “guns off the street”, strikes right at the heart of people’s fears of black neighborhoods. . . and, next thing you know cops are dropping us like flies because they think our wallets have bullets.

Whatever Envy.

You know you’re on the wrong side of an argument when Charlemagne is giving you facts and figures that contradict what you’re saying, and you still double down.

“Guns off the street” [mocking Envy]
Is that a level up for Charlemagne? Is Angela Yee now the best one on the show?

POLL TIME! Who’s the spare host on the Breakfast Club? Vote in the poll on Twitter @gmbtshow. We have to settle this.

On to better things.
MeLa Machinko and LeeTreble have given us a bop to wop to. And. . .

“Lemme tell y’all something, I ain’t never felt nothing like this before. I’m ‘bout to take over the wooooorld!”

It’s a jam.

The song is called “Addy Life”, and you can find the iTunes link for it in the description.
Go cop that so we can wop to this bop together.
That’s all for today’s episode. Whether you’re watching or listening, subscribe and rate it, I’d appreciate it.

Let’s get over this hump day, shall we?
Good moring, Black Twitter.

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