S1 E41: Get Your Cousins

airdate: 18 November 2016

Genie proposes a new initiative: #StartAtHome, talks special snowflake Sage Steele’s stupid Facebook post, and Kanye West is thirsty for attention again.

Show Transcript

Happy Friday, Black Twitter!

It’s me, Genie, giving you t-shirt, towel, and tired.

It’s been a long, long week.

But, it’s over. Halleloo.

Today, I’m gonna tweet for people who have ever been to a birthday party and sang the black happy birthday song, only to have someone not know when to quit.

You know that person. Everyone’s singing the chorus like you’re supposed to.

[happy birthday]

And, just when you think it’s over here comes somebody talkmbout some damn

Haaaaaaaaa-PPYYYYYYYYY biiiiiirthdayyyyyy
(repeated twice)

And, now it’s awkward because NOBODY knows how to end the song from there. And, it just sounds wompy and depressing, and like you’re not sure you actually want the person to have a happy birthday.

Don’t be that person. Don’t sour the birthday song for someone. Just stop the song at the end of the chorus like you’re supposed to. Like a decent human being.

Stop tryna see the world burn.

Anyhoo. . . this is your random reminder that there’s a Good Morning Black Twitter newsletter going out this Sunday. If you like to do what cool people are doing, you should go to goodmorningblacktwitter.com and sign up for it.

Do that.

And, by the way, whether you’re watching or listening to the show, subscribe and rate it. I’d appreciate it.

Okay, sooooo. . . Thanksgiving is less than a week away, and from the looks of tweets and hashtags, quite a few of you are looking forward to coming to fisticuffs with your family members about a wide range of topics.

I can’t say that I know this life, my family can have a spades game without somebody getting stabbed. But, if you do know that life might I suggest fighting over a worthy cause? Like bigotry.

Look, with Donald Trump as president-elect, we all gotta start pulling our weight in the fight against bigots. And, if we’re being real, white people aren’t the only ones who have bigots in their family.

So, I would like to propose a new initiative that I am calling “Start At Home”. #StartAtHome
If you can clap back at Aunt Theresa for sleeping with a married man, you can clap back at cousin Day Day for being transphobic.

If you can clap back at your uncle Vernon for being a deadbeat dad, you can clap back at your brother for being a misogynist.

All I’m saying is, we all have our front lines. You’re clearly already about that pop-off life. So, pop off to kill bigotry where it lives. #StartAtHome

Don’t just call out people on the internet for their oppressive behavior. Yes, we should be publicly making bigots uncomfortable, but there’s a whole group of people who (I would hope) have respect and love for you, and might take what you’re saying into consideration, even if they get defensive about it. If you can collect perfect strangers? You can gather your own family members. #StartAtHome

And, by the way, I’m not saying you should make yourself an expert on topics you haven’t even read about. You don’t even know a trans person? Maybe don’t try to be an expert on gender fluidity. That being said, you can definitely tell someone you think a joke is inappropriate.

Or, even say, “you know, I used to think that way too, but then I realized I sounded a lot like white people when they talk about black people, and I don’t wanna sound like that. This is someone’s life we’re joking about.” Or, something along those lines.

This Thanksgiving, Start At Home, America. #StartAtHome

Speaking of starting at home. . . one of y’all gotta get your cousin Sage.

Steele family, that’s you. I don’t know who you are, I don’t even know who she is, but if the back of your family reunion t-shirt has the surname “Steele” on one of the branches? I’m looking at you, to go get your cousin.

Sage Steele is apparently some ESPN personality who took to Facebook to write something stupid, and it took me three tries to get through it because reading the thoughts of stupid people make me feel like

[krusty krab meme]

But, after reading it three times what I gather is Sage Steele has some personal problems that, because she’s a special snowflake, she tried to make Black people problems.

And, Sage, that’s where you fucked up.

She asked all the wrong questions: “why do we shun black people who speak differently?” “why do we shun black people who have ‘good hair’?”

When what she should have been asking is, “why can’t I get into the cookout?” Because, she would’ve found out the answer is, “because, girl, it’s 2016 and you still say shit like ‘good hair’.”

You really told on yourself, Sage Steele, because if you actually hung out with black people, you’d know saying “good hair” is taboo, now. And, as someone who has naturally wavy hair, let me just testify that nobody has ever shunned me for not having 4C hair.

Girl, bye.

Also, you know where a lot of black people who think differently find themselves? Hanging out with other black people who think differently. Imagine that, Sage Steele.

Imagine that you hung out with black people, and knew black people well enough to know that there are quite a few black people in the world who think like you. There are black atheists who hang out with other black atheists. I would guestimate that there are at least hundreds of thousands, if not millions, of bi-racial black people you could’ve hung out with.

Though, the bi-racial people I know wouldn’t want to be associated with your dumbass, just saying.

My point is, Sage Steele, you could’ve found your tribe. You could’ve found your group of black people to roll with. Instead, you decided to make your personal problem a black people problem, and write some long, stupid post on Facebook.

Have several seats.

In other “get your cousin” news. West family, y’all already used to gathering Kanye, so would you ring the alarm, because he’s acting up in the supermarket aisle again.

Kanye is apparently still on tour, and a new video came out with him saying he would’ve voted for Trump.

[eye roll]

Roll tape.

[insert clip from Kanye’s tour]

At this point, I think Kanye just says shit when he’s not getting the attention he wants. And, considering he married into the family that gets attention for attention’s sake, it makes sense.

I mean, what is there to even say? He didn’t vote, but he would’ve voted for Trump. Boy, bye. Here’s the attention you wanted, run along now, and stop embarrassing your family in front of company.

By the way, all you people who were saying you’d vote for Kanye for president in 2020? Heh.

[sips tea]

That sip is for you.

WELP! That wraps up this episode. I don’t want to talk about Kanye or Sage Steele, but if you know of resources to sites with information about transphobia, homophobia, ableism, misogyny, etc. Send them to me, and I’ll signal boost, because I really want to help people arm themselves with information for when they talk to their family members this Thanksgiving.

Are you going to start at home? Let me know in the comments on goodmorningblacktwitter.com or tweet me @gmbtshow. Let me know if you’re bout that life.

We’re almost through this week. I’ll see you back here on Monday. Have a good morning, Black Twitter.

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